Mystery Blogger Award

I was nominated for this one by one of my top 5 bloggers A Fella Called Dude….I am sending my deepest gratitudes over the interweb!

The Rules (ha! I’m totally gonna ignore them and do my own thing…hit me with the questions)

  • Put the award logo/image on your blog
  • List the rules.
  • Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  • Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well
  • Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
  • Nominate 10 – 20 people
  • Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog
  • Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify)

Three Things About Me

  1. I have a hand washing compulsion. I’ve had many weirdy compulsions over the years but I like this one…it’s just good hygiene.
  2. I baggied my first doggie doos today. Last time I had a dog we didn’t do that sort of thing but I’m doggie-sitting my buddy Lance this week so I braved myself and got on with it. Please note I didn’t miss the look of disdain he gave me as I did it…”yeah beyotch…..pick it up”.
  3. I’m a great believer in synchronicity, it’s how I make my decisions.

My buddy Lancelot catching some zeds…or zees for my American friends

Questions I Was Asked:

How DO YOU fold a fitted sheet?

You don’t. You roll the frigging thing in a ball and stuff it in a drawer until it’s needed. Whoever suggested you should fold a fitted sheet is also responsible for Chinese water torture.

What is REALLY meant by the phrase ‘Love is in the air?’

I assume it’s wintertime and everyone’s trying to stay warm…so it’s ankles. Ankles are in the air. (Please note the most common birthday is 30th September….coinkydink? I think not)

What was the weirdest, strangest and most mysterious phone call you ever took or made?

Honestly that’s a skeleton in the closet so I’m gonna plead the fifth on that one. However, my home number is very similar to a local hospital so I’ve confirmed an awful lot appointments and given quite a bit of medical advice over the last 7 years…to be fair I only did it to rude people who insisted they had the correct number.

This is a real mystery – would you rather be ugly as sin and live forever or look as attractively sexy as was possible, but die in a year?

I would hate to live forever and have zero fear of death so option deux. Although I’ve never had a desire to be ‘sexy’ either so….

Ok, ok, here’s the cliff hanger – you are offered £$/100,000 to eat a bowl of mixed bugs – you know crunchy mealworms, slimy earthworms, buzzing crickets, wrinkly woodlice and moist maggots and the list goes on – would you eat it and be richer or not?

Yup, pass me the condiments. If it would better my baby birds life I’m up for it. 4 years of university fees or a once in a lifetime holiday across America just cos I ate a handful of crawlies? No bother, give me extras!

I’m not gonna nominate anyone this time round but I have another few nominations waiting to reply to so be prepared!

He graced me with his presence on the couch by the time I finished the post…yippee!

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Me, Myself & I

Swerve Strikes Back challenged me to this one a couple of weeks ago, apologies it too my lazy rear end so long to respond!

It seems the original challenger has since deleted their blog, but I’d already finished my answers so here we are!

The Challenge:

1. Mention if you were nominated by someone or decided to take up the challenge on your own.

2. Write your own list of twelve things that make you different and proud (and odd maybe?!!).

12 Things About Me: (12? Erk!? I don’t think I’m that interesting but I dug deep into my head hole to find something…I decided on likes/dislikes)

1. One of my favourite creatures is that floppy floppy spider of the sea, the octopus. It’s like the ultimate X-Man of the ocean! It camouflages, can squeeze through a hole the size of a 50p, walk across land and it’s reproductive parts are on one of its arms! Eat it Wolverine! Don’t forget: never ever shake hands with an octopus.

For your viewing pleasure I’ve included a few handy links:

Octopus walking on land

Octopus walking in water carrying coconut

Octopus does Houdini impersonation

2. I have a real phobia of people dressed in big cartoon costumes. You know like Mickey Mouse or Barney? I understand kids love them just stay at least 200 feet away from me. Disneyland is my idea of Dante’s Inferno.

3. I appreciate every present I’m lucky enough to receive. How lovely is it that someone took a bit of time to think about me? The more homemade it is, the happier I am!

4. I don’t like things around my head or face. Like masks, stupid hats or hair clips. I get all twitchy and strange. Sometimes my daughter will give me a styling session (I admire her tenacity since my hair’s about 2 and a half inches long) and I’ll be sat there having a mild breakdown until she says ‘it’s ok mummy’ and I pull all the ties out and fling them on the floor. Once I let you touch my head you’ve entered the inner circle for life.

5. I’m obsessed with all things supernatural, cosmological or mythical. I’ve spent many a happy hour Googling alchemy and Greek mythology. I’m always intrigued with God, the afterlife and synchronicity. Hold it, I feel another Wikipedia session coming on…..

Still patiently waiting for the mothership to pick me up…

6. I have zero time for racists. I’m happy to have a good old healthy debate but once I realise I’m dealing with an arsehole I’m done. It’s like judging a nation because of their hair colour.

During my barmaiding days I was serving one of those morons who decided to blast my ears with an anti-African rant. I took his pint back and told him to sod off, the price of his drink didn’t include my bloody eardrums. I got fired shortly after of course but hey ho sometimes you have to stick to your guns.

7. I lurrrrrve a picnic! Any excuse! I don’t like cooking but I do love raiding the deli section in Marks and Spencer. For my babe’s second birthday the family all drove to Tollymore, County Down. I brought enough grub to feed the 5000. Tapenades, cured meats and salads – oh my! I’m famous for my Christmas Eve indoor picnic too!

Tollymore Forest Park

8. My absolutely biggest fear is centipedes/millipedes- I actually cringed even typing the words (bleugh!). Years ago I went to a creature museum in Prague where they had those giant African types – I froze on the spot and couldn’t back away. My mum had to cover my eyes and guide me out of the place! Yukky, yukky, yukky!

9. I love a caravan holiday. I spent my childhood summers in our family caravan and have great memories of it. Those were the days before electricity and indoor plumbing so I amused myself on the rainy days reading, drawing or puzzling while listening to Cool FM on my mum’s little battery operated radio…bliss! To this day I could spend a good 6 months indoors without getting bored.

Happy times!

10. Hen parties scare me. I think it’s the whole dressing-up thing again. Cowboy hats and matching t-shirts make me recoil in horror. It’s all that forced ‘fun’ too. I’ve managed to only participate in one in my entire life and I’m still mentally scarred.

11. Funnily enough although I normally avoid costumes like the plague I am nutso for Halloween! It’s the only holiday that’s purely just for fun! No presents, no religion, no need to feed anyone a meal that takes three weeks to prepare…just sweeties, fireworks and acting like an eejit to amuse the kiddies! Fab, I can’t get enough of it!

12. Lisa Simpson. Ugh. She’s always there sucking the craic out of every episode with her great morals and cries of injustice. If a panda broke a toenail, Lisa would be there on the front lines socking it to the man and putting the rest of us to sleep. Have a Duff and relax yourself woman. Even better, someone write her out of the script in some sort of self detonating saxophone scenario.

Shhhhhhh…

Does anyone else fancy sharing 12 of their likes/dislikes or quirky habits? If so, taggedy tag me below!

Mystery Blogger Award

I was nominated for this one by my fellow unhinged pal A Guy Called Bloke, cheers big ears!!

He’s teetered over to the dark side with his questions, yippee! The weirder the better!

Awards Rules

• Display award logo

• List the Rules

• Thank the person that nominated you

• Mention and link the award creator: Okoto Enigma

• Answer the 5 questions from who nominated you

• Nominate ”however many bloody blogs I want”

To the questions my faithful stallion!

1. If you were trapped on an isolated hilltop after your plane had crashed with your family and friends, would you resort to starvation or cannibalism?

Without a doubt, I’d eat them all with a watercress garnish and balsamic drizzle (I draw the line firmly when it comes to kids though. I’m quite happy to offer my pudgy love handles for the preservation of future generations)

Im heftier than my immediate family so I know they’d totally do a Hannibal Lecter on me since I’d feed a family of five for a month. Eat or be eaten eh?

In my defence I would be doing it selflessly of course so my baby girl didn’t need to go through all that mourning – I’m only thinking of the children after all!

When it comes to my friends, they’re a wiry lot, there’s no way they’d go down without a fight but I reckon I could take one or two of them down with a stray armrest.

2. If your best friend had murdered someone would you help bury the body?

If I was completely convinced we would never be caught, yup I would do it. If they felt the need to off someone, then that sucker musta had it coming.

Although, if I personally was gonna murder someone I would do it in the middle of the ocean and weight the body.

Or I might marry a rich pig farmer, bludgeon him to death with a frozen pork chop, eat the evidence and feed him to his own livestock.

I might then don my best white linen floaty clothes complete with oversized hat, hop aboard a 40 foot yacht and set sail for the Cayman Islands while clutching my new found inheritance and a dry martini.

But I never put too much thought into that sort of thing.

Be afraid farmers…be very afraid.

3. Do you ever wonder – what next – after the end of your time? if so, what is next?

I think Anubis judges our earthly actions and one of two things happen:

We spend eternity kicking back on a marshmallow cloud with St Peter.

Or

We did a terrible job of being a human so are sent to bowels of Hell to listen to Rick Astley’s greatest hits on an endless loop until the end of time.

Nah…really I don’t believe in Heaven and Hell. I think we just go back to the Source for a while to decide if we want to reincarnate or spend a few eons chilling with the Big Man somewhere in the stars.

4. You know in the movies when the victims are being chased by the terrible nasty and they hit them, and think they are dead, but look back and discover the body gone?? If this was YOU how would you ensure the thing stays dead?

My mother is a blood and gore movie-loving maniac. Every time the female lead shot the serial killer once my mum would scream at the screen “do it again for God’s sake!! Make sure he blimming stays down!!!” So I have some training in this department.

I’d reverse over his head a few times then go postal on his noggin with a two-by-four. Take it from me, the killer would not be getting up again. My mama didn’t raise no fool.

My weapon of choice.

What’s the meanest thing you have ever hoped would happen to someone ……….. eh??

The only person I ever hated was my German teacher. He was a hateful, self indulgent pig who failed as a professor and author and was forced to take a lowly teaching job.

I spent my time in his horrible class daydreaming about ways to annihilate him. I won’t go into to much detail but one of my favourites involved a crucifixion.

Hopefully he’s six feet under now.

Nominees:

I’m posing the same questions to the following bloggerees:

One day at a time…

Curiosity

Walk The Goats

Tintins

Finding French Charming

Don’t hold back…let your inner oddball run free!!!

3 Days, 3 Quotes – Day 3

So it’s the last day of my quote challenge…booooo!

A mahoosive thank you to A Guy Called Bloke for the nomination!

The rules are simple:

1. Thank the person who nominates you.

2. Post one quote per day for 3 consecutive days.

3. Nominate three new bloggers each day.

Since I’m a bit of a film nut I’ve decided to stick with the movie theme.

Nominees:

One day at a time…

Our Little Red House

Confuzzledom

I know I’m renominating some people but this is a fun one! However no need to take part if you don’t want to!

3 Days, 3 Quotes – Day 2

I was nominated for this one by the fantabulous A Guy Called Bloke, he loves a wee quote as much as I do so I was delighted to see I was tagged!

The rules are simple:

1. Thank the person who nominates you – thank you!!

2. Post one quote per day for 3 consecutive days

3. Nominate three new bloggers each day

Today’s quotes come from Philip Seymour Hoffman movies.

Years ago I was watching one of his flicks with my mum and made a comment like “I always hate his characters”. My mum replied “it’s a sign of a good actor if he can make you hate him”. From that moment on I had a new found respect for the man and he still remains one of my favourite actors.

Nominees

Chomeuse

1Kindness2Day

Chelsea Ann Owens

I know I’m renominating some people but this is a fun one! However no need to take part if you don’t want to!

3 Days, 3 Quotes – Day 1

I was nominated for this one by the excellent A Guy Called Bloke, thank you kindly good sir!

The rules are simple:

1. Thank the person who nominates you

2. Post one quote per day for 3 consecutive days

3. Nominate three new bloggers each day

Since I’m a greedy guts, I’m gonna post three!

Nominees:

Walk The Goats

The Britchy One

Tales From The Mind Of Kristian

No need to take part if you don’t want to!

All at sea….

This is my response to A Guy Called Bloke’s 1000 Words Worth – Number 4.

The challenge is to write a response to this picture:

Murky Waters

They walked along the waters edge gazing at each other

They whispered secret hopes and dreams, their hearts filled up with wonder.

In the deep the creature roused, his body was humongous

His mouth the size of galleons, his tentacles were monstrous.

He listened to her voice and thought: ‘she’s who I’ve waited for’

The moon was bright, the breeze was warm, that evening at the shore.

Stirring up the ocean bed, the beast began to swim

Striking fear into the hearts of other deep-sea things.

He loved her eyes, he loved her hands, his favourite was her laugh

She quickly thanked her lucky stars that he had crossed her path.

For years across the seven seas, the monster terrorised

He’d gobble up all seafolk and their boats he would capsize.

They leaned to kiss, the Kraken raised an arm up from the water

They saw the thing and screamed with fear and clung to one another

He grabbed the pair so tightly, they both knew they were in trouble

All they could do was shout and kick while putting up a struggle.

The Kraken had no pity, to the bottom he swam on

So with some bubbles and a splash our couple were both gone.

The lovely lady responsible for Megan Bett Artwork has agreed to let me use some of her work for my poems. Yay! She painted the amazing octopus above.