Kid’s Poems

First of all, we’re on mid term here and there’s actual warmth in the outdoor world so I’m miles behind on my bloggy reading and nominations (which I fecking hate) – but I’ll catch up at some stage! Please forgive if I haven’t caught up on some of your posts over the weekend.

I’m still pushing on with my efforts to respond to the daily prompts for the month of May. I was eating my words on Sunday as I nursed a hangover…but a commitment is a commitment (pah! I abandon commitments all the time but I’m not gonna tell you lot….)

Chelsea Owens asked me to write nursery rhymes. Alas I’m not so great on being sentimental but I am good at being gross so I hope these amuse for the time being. I’m sure there’s a few more hiding in my noggin!


A doggie is lovely

It wags and it barks

It just wants a cuddle

And walks in the park

But the worst thing of all

(And everyone looks)

Is when it sits down

And does a big poop.

Just Eat Some Toast Instead

I knew a girl

Who loved to eat boogers

At breakfast and lunch

She dug in her hooter

She wouldn’t eat fruit

And she wouldn’t eat bread

This girl just loved

To eat bogeys instead

One day while digging

Deep up in her nose

Her finger got stuck!

Her mummy said ‘blow!’

She huffed and she puffed

Her mummy said ‘more!’

She blew it so hard

Her nose flew out the door!

Lucky for her

Her mummy had glue

She stuck it back on

And nobody knew

So if you don’t want

To lose bits of your head

Take my advice

Use a tissue instead.

My Sweetness

For My Baby Girl

God only knows

What I would be

If you weren’t here

My sweet chickpea

You fill my world

With fabulous

My wee sweet love

I can’t express

How I adore

All parts of you

Your massive heart

And big toes too

You make life great

By waking up

I can’t believe

My own good luck!

Word Prompt: Observe

It’s day 3 of my little self-nominated challenge to respond to the word prompts every day for the month of May!

So far I’ve also recruited The Wonderful And Wacky World Of One Single Mom. If anyone else fancies joining in, send me a wee pingback!


I’m crouching in the bushes

‘Cross the road from your front door

I’ve been hiding here since midnight

And now it’s ten to four.

You didn’t see me outside work

I snuck a photograph

I was peeping through two eyeholes

I’d cut in the Telegraph.

Did you know the heavy breather

Who called you on the phone?

Yes it was me! But you seemed

Frightened – what was wrong?

In my bag I’ve got my kit:

Night goggles for the dark,

A book that I pretend to read

While watching in the park.

Binoculars and fake moustache

In case I’m recognised.

A pad to log your movements,

A scrapbook of you and I.

Did you see me in the barbers?

While you got a trim I waited

Then nabbed a lock of your red hair

And had it laminated.

Wait! I heard a door slam

I pull my mac up round my ears

Is that a cop car that I see?

Does someone know I’m here?

“Officer, I’m very sorry,

I swear I wasn’t perving…

I promise I’m not stalking him!

I’m merely just observing….”

Word Prompt: Observe

Disclaimer: Before anyone picks up the phone to tip off the authorities that there’s a weirdo on the loose, hand on heart I have never. Stalked. Anyone. Except that one time a while ago….but they never found out so that doesn’t really count does it?…

Word Prompt: Abrupt

I have set myself the challenge of responding to the word prompts every day for the month of May. (Although I have a sneaking suspicion I’ll be eating my words come this day next week!)

Anyone want to join me in my little task? Anyone? Anyone?? *pin drops with a clattering roar*

Manners don’t cost nothing

It’s a cinch to be polite.

There’s no need for abruptness

Or to say things out of spite.

But if you are a meanie

And insist on being rude

Then I hope a massive seagull spreads its wings and plops on you.

Word Prompt: Abrupt

Word Prompt: Sleeve

Walls Have Ears


When you tuck up for the night

Goblins listen out of sight

Waiting at the end of day

To hear you cry out in dismay:

“Oh woe and blast! How hard it be,

To trudge my way and to be me!

Life’s not so bad, but how I wish

I could be served another dish!”

An ancient whisper: “Pardon us?”

Was that a creak? Or outside gust?

Have your senses left your head?

You could’ve sworn someone said…

Gasp! There here it is again!

“Pardon us, we did not hear

Kindly forgive our failing ears

We thought we heard you’re discontent

Please good friend, with your consent

We can satisfy your whims

And remedy your life so grim!”

You ask the darkness “Who be you?

Am I unhinged or be this true?”

“We be creatures of the night

Who wish to help you with your plight

There be no catch, so have no fear

Just state your wish and state it clear”

Hmm you think, I’m no dumb fool

This deal seems too good to be true

But the fates won’t shake me twice

To hell with it! You roll the dice…

“I’ll play along if you insist”

(Truth be told you can’t resist)

I wish to be young once again!

Free from old age aches and pains”

The moment that the words are said

There’s no more voices neath the bed

Was it real or in your head?

And why’s your stomach filled with dread?

And so you try your best to sleep

And pray the Lord your soul to keep…

Perhaps then when you rise again

You’re free from all those aches and pains

A baby in their mums embrace

With no wrinkles on your face.

Perhaps inside you’re still the same

Forced to do it all again

Trapped inside a pudgy frame

Perhaps in fact, you’ll go insane.

The moral of my tale is this:

Be careful when you make a wish

If you keep moaning, something might

Step right in and change your life.

Life has great tricks up its sleeve

Even things you don’t believe…

And when you go to lay your head

Be sure to check under the bed.

Word Prompt: Sleeve