Word Prompt: Skewed

I set myself the little task

To answer Word Prompts all through May

But there’s no chance it’s happening

Because today is Saturday!

I’m heading out and don’t have time

To fumble in my little head

Skewed’ is much to hard to rhyme

So I’ll end with ‘bumbershoot’* instead.


*actually a real word much to my flabbergastment**

**Not a real word

Word Prompt: Skewed

Word Prompt: Forest

It’s Friiiday night! I’m still hanging out with my buddy Lance who I might add is the size of a Shetland pony.

Me and my duckling brought him for a little saunter and I feared he would spot a pigeon because she would have been flying after him like a paper bag caught in an updraft!

There have been a few questions such as “could he carry me on his back?” so I’m keeping a close eye in case she sticks a saddle on him when my back’s turned…

David Attenborough: “Deep in the tropical forests of Belfast, we observe a fine specimen in his natural habitat…”

Word Prompt: Forest

Sharesday!

Did anyone notice I missed Sharesday last week for the first time?! The horror! Holy bejebus the horror!

I doubt anyone actually noticed…I certainly didn’t cotton on until at least Sunday!

This week’s poem is a Dylan Thomas classic:

Rage against whatever might be trying to snuff your light my compadres! Should something be trying to halt your gallop, take a massive baseball bat and knock it out of the park!

Until next time, may your dreams be lovely and your corners be spider free!

Word Prompt: Rebel

Ways to rebel:

Rebel against convention

Rebel against poverty

“Stranger gives homeless man clothes on subway”

Rebel against your peers

“Girl opts for hot dog costume on princess day”

Rebel against your bra

Rebel against diets

Rebel against racism

“Stand Up To Racism March – Barnsley”

Rebel against sexism

“Suffragettes March in Nunney – 1914”

“Fathers 4 Justice March 2014”

Rebel against failure

“Hyvon Ngetich crawls to finish line in the Austin marathon”

Rebel against war

“Vietnam war protests, Philadelphia”

Rebel against illness

Rebel against homophobia

Gay Pride – London

“Christians apologise at gay pride Chicago”

Rebel against old age

“Min Bahadur Serchan, 85, climbs Everest”

Rebel against Rebel

Word Prompt: Rebel

Mystery Blogger Award

I was nominated for this one by one of my top 5 bloggers A Fella Called Dude….I am sending my deepest gratitudes over the interweb!

The Rules (ha! I’m totally gonna ignore them and do my own thing…hit me with the questions)

  • Put the award logo/image on your blog
  • List the rules.
  • Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  • Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well
  • Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
  • Nominate 10 – 20 people
  • Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog
  • Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify)

Three Things About Me

  1. I have a hand washing compulsion. I’ve had many weirdy compulsions over the years but I like this one…it’s just good hygiene.
  2. I baggied my first doggie doos today. Last time I had a dog we didn’t do that sort of thing but I’m doggie-sitting my buddy Lance this week so I braved myself and got on with it. Please note I didn’t miss the look of disdain he gave me as I did it…”yeah beyotch…..pick it up”.
  3. I’m a great believer in synchronicity, it’s how I make my decisions.

My buddy Lancelot catching some zeds…or zees for my American friends

Questions I Was Asked:

How DO YOU fold a fitted sheet?

You don’t. You roll the frigging thing in a ball and stuff it in a drawer until it’s needed. Whoever suggested you should fold a fitted sheet is also responsible for Chinese water torture.

What is REALLY meant by the phrase ‘Love is in the air?’

I assume it’s wintertime and everyone’s trying to stay warm…so it’s ankles. Ankles are in the air. (Please note the most common birthday is 30th September….coinkydink? I think not)

What was the weirdest, strangest and most mysterious phone call you ever took or made?

Honestly that’s a skeleton in the closet so I’m gonna plead the fifth on that one. However, my home number is very similar to a local hospital so I’ve confirmed an awful lot appointments and given quite a bit of medical advice over the last 7 years…to be fair I only did it to rude people who insisted they had the correct number.

This is a real mystery – would you rather be ugly as sin and live forever or look as attractively sexy as was possible, but die in a year?

I would hate to live forever and have zero fear of death so option deux. Although I’ve never had a desire to be ‘sexy’ either so….

Ok, ok, here’s the cliff hanger – you are offered £$/100,000 to eat a bowl of mixed bugs – you know crunchy mealworms, slimy earthworms, buzzing crickets, wrinkly woodlice and moist maggots and the list goes on – would you eat it and be richer or not?

Yup, pass me the condiments. If it would better my baby birds life I’m up for it. 4 years of university fees or a once in a lifetime holiday across America just cos I ate a handful of crawlies? No bother, give me extras!

I’m not gonna nominate anyone this time round but I have another few nominations waiting to reply to so be prepared!

He graced me with his presence on the couch by the time I finished the post…yippee!

Word Prompt: Laughter

Who doesn’t love a giggle? Be it a light titter or a guffaw that sends your cappuccino blasting over your fellow coffee shop patrons, sure it keeps you young.

I’ve an odd oul sense of humour. My liking someone is in direct correlation to how strange a character they are. I can always spot one of my own kind. If you’re twisted – you’re in the club.

Most of all it’s important to laugh at yourself. Life’s too short to be taking yourself too seriously, and sure we’re all headed the one way anyway so you might as well enjoy yourself while you’re here.

Bearing that in mind, I like laughing at myself when I think about this….

I was never one for the drug scene. I’m enough of a eejit after a night on the sauce, so I thought I’d do humanity a favour and stay away from the hard stuff.

In fact I’m very anti-drug, but I’ve tried it a couple of times over the years to try and keep up with the cool kids. I’m happy to report I’m not very cool.

Once a school friend of mine managed to get a hold of a drop of weed. Well sure we didn’t know what the hell to do with it. I couldn’t roll a joint if I had a roll of cellotape, 2 toilet roll tubes and a Blue Peter presenter to supervise.

After 20 minutes of surmising and pretending to her mother we were revising or doing the rosary we had the grand idea we’d stir it into some yoghurt and eat it.

So there we were getting our daily calcium intake and we waited….nothing.

“Will we do another bit?”

“Aye sure why not, go ahead”

Still nothing.

“Are we doing it wrong”

“Jesus I dunno, maybe we didn’t do enough”

It was then we decided to stick the last of it onto some cheese on toast (we ate all the yoghurts). And waited again. Still nothing.

We brought it to the dark side..

At this stage I was bored out of my tree, said my goodbyes and headed home.

On the way my head started to get a bit fuzzy but I put it down to the fact that I’d just consumed enough dairy products to keep Ben and Jerry in business for 6 months.

I got in and there was my mummy bear on the settee.

“How was your night?”

“Alright, nothing exciting. I’ll watch a bit of telly and head up”

So there we sat in front of the box when my foray into the drug world started to kick in. I was freaking out. But I kept my cool and stared at the telly making light chit chat with my mum.

It was at this stage she turned and said:

“Did you take anything tonight?”

*alarm bells* but I was holding my own, watching the telly, no eye contact…I effing had this.

“No sure I said, why do you ask?”

“Cos that TV has been off since you sat down 2 hours ago”

Needless to say she ran me up the stairs so fast my feet didn’t touch the ground. I spent the night sweating my way round the bed watching pink elephants on the ceiling and sure did I get an ounce of sympathy? Nope. (not that I blame her, if my daughter came in whacked out of her head I’d do worse)

“It’s self inflicted and if you touch that shite again I’ll make you eat 4 pound of it”

I believed her.

Don’t forget – drugs are for mugs! Happy hump day!!

Word Prompt: Laughter

Kid’s Poems

First of all, we’re on mid term here and there’s actual warmth in the outdoor world so I’m miles behind on my bloggy reading and nominations (which I fecking hate) – but I’ll catch up at some stage! Please forgive if I haven’t caught up on some of your posts over the weekend.

I’m still pushing on with my efforts to respond to the daily prompts for the month of May. I was eating my words on Sunday as I nursed a hangover…but a commitment is a commitment (pah! I abandon commitments all the time but I’m not gonna tell you lot….)

Chelsea Owens asked me to write nursery rhymes. Alas I’m not so great on being sentimental but I am good at being gross so I hope these amuse for the time being. I’m sure there’s a few more hiding in my noggin!

Doggies

A doggie is lovely

It wags and it barks

It just wants a cuddle

And walks in the park

But the worst thing of all

(And everyone looks)

Is when it sits down

And does a big poop.


Just Eat Some Toast Instead

I knew a girl

Who loved to eat boogers

At breakfast and lunch

She dug in her hooter

She wouldn’t eat fruit

And she wouldn’t eat bread

This girl just loved

To eat bogeys instead

One day while digging

Deep up in her nose

Her finger got stuck!

Her mummy said ‘blow!’

She huffed and she puffed

Her mummy said ‘more!’

She blew it so hard

Her nose flew out the door!

Lucky for her

Her mummy had glue

She stuck it back on

And nobody knew

So if you don’t want

To lose bits of your head

Take my advice

Use a tissue instead.