The Grumblers List

I read a great post by The Jess this morning about toxic relationships, she’s a very wise woman is that one. I think we share a similar point of view on the subject. Some people are truly a drag and an emotional drain. Sometimes the only thing to do is to cut the rope and let that particular anchor just sink.

With that in mind, I thought it was about time I shared one of my biggest character flaws (if you already know me, you might as well do something better with your time cos I’m just preaching to the choir).

Although I try my very bestest to stay upbeat, look on the bright side and be kind to my fellow human, I am an absolute, self confessed Grumbler.

I love a good old moan, and when I’m behind the safety of my own front door I like to add a bit of volume to the mix for good measure (I’m not one of those shrieking women, I’m a roarer. For some reason God blessed me with the vocal chords of a rugby player. I assume he just wanted to amuse himself) – I figure, in for a penny in for a pound.

When I have taken agin something (usually something completely random….hey I’m not driving, that’s the Brain’s department), I am not satisfied until I’ve clocked up a few good miles on the Bellyache-ometer.

My daughter doesn’t even flinch when her ‘oul ma starts spouting off. As long as she’s satisfied it’s nothing to to with her she pretty much ignores me and leaves me to ranty devices.

Trust me, I used to be a lot worse. Nowadays, it’s mostly trivial objects or situations that find themselves to be the subject of my grouching. Why is the cellotape not sticky enough? I knocked over the bloody plant again (why would I move it? Then I couldn’t indulge in my favourite hobby!), who put the bed right in front of the plug socket?? (Me! I did it!). But have no doubt, the world in general provides me with a whole array of lovely delights to get right up my nose.

So with that said, hop on your unicycle and join me at:

The Irish Procrastinator’s List Of: How Grumbling Will Enrich Your Life

1. It’s good for your head. We keep hearing that bottling things up is detrimental for our health. Grumbling will open the Pandora’s Box that is your bad mood and give the yukky thoughts a chance to escape into the world. Where they land? Well haha that’s not really our problem now is it?

Another fellow Grumbler.

2. You won’t have to be resourceful anymore. As a Grumbling Gold Medalist, I can tell you it’s very liberating to just complain about your problems instead of actually trying to find solutions for them. I have spent many a happy afternoon with a cuppa and the feet up, secure with the knowledge that my position in life is most definitely someone else’s fault and the world ‘owes me one’. It’s great sleeping soundly every night with the surety that Life will knock the door one day and serve my dreams to me on a velvet cushion – without me even having to lift a finger!

3. You’ll save money. After unloading your hate-the-world attitude on close family and friends*, you are guaranteed to find yourself on your tod when the weekend hits. While all those other poor saps are off busting a few moves on the dance floor on a Saturday night, you’ll be happily gloating to yourself while filling up your piggybank with all those saved pennies. (*Don’t feel you have to restrict yourself to these two categories. Co-workers, milkmen, your child’s teacher and pretty much anyone this side of the equator all make excellent targets for your negativity rocket launchers).

You’ll finally be able to able to afford that weekend away to Gloomsville!

4. You’ll have lots of time to pursue other interests. After your last chum has finally run out of earplugs and dashed out of your life without so much as a backward glance, you’ll find a lot of free space on your social calendar. Now, as a fledgling Grumbler, you may be tempted to offer an olive branch to those people that are sick of the sound of your voice, but don’t! That’s a rookie mistake. Continue to spread your miserable attitude around like an unwanted fart and use the free hours to think of new moaning material instead! We don’t want any group activities to get in the way of our new favourite pastime now, do we?

An image of your new social life mere days after you embark on this wonderful journey!

5. Its character building. After you’ve successfully ruined your life with your pessimistic outlook and lack of acceptance towards your fellow man, you’ll find yourself spending many hours in the foetal position, crying on the bathroom floor. Don’t mistake this for rock bottom though. It’s actually a good sign that you’re ready to face the world afresh through new, bitter, hard-hearted, cynical eyes. When you’re laughing with derision at a happy couple embracing at the bus stop, you can reassure yourself that: Ha! You know better.

If however, you choose to not obliterate all future chances of happiness and human interaction….you could direct your Cranky Pants Syndrome at:

1. A post box.
2. A Jack Russell (we all know how I feel about those).
3. An old banana peel.
4. A combine harvester.
5. Or, last but not least, don’t be a Cranky Pants and just cheer the eff up. Life’s not so bad after all.

(Please take this post with a large pinch of salt – I’m not that grumbly….promise!)

Walk All Over Cancer update:

• Steps walked so far today: 18,248

• Steps walked so far this week: 73,863!

• Steps to walk by Wednesday: None! Yay!

• Today’s walking weather: I managed to avoid a downpour and got blue skies again! Lovely as a buttercup!

• Other information: I have woefully overestimated my fitness levels. Had to recruit the young ‘un to walk up and down my back for ten minutes – no joke.

View of the River Lagan.

Some lovely buttercups.