Mystery Blogger Award

I was nominated for this one by my fellow unhinged pal A Guy Called Bloke, cheers big ears!!

He’s teetered over to the dark side with his questions, yippee! The weirder the better!

Awards Rules

• Display award logo

• List the Rules

• Thank the person that nominated you

• Mention and link the award creator: Okoto Enigma

• Answer the 5 questions from who nominated you

• Nominate ”however many bloody blogs I want”

To the questions my faithful stallion!

1. If you were trapped on an isolated hilltop after your plane had crashed with your family and friends, would you resort to starvation or cannibalism?

Without a doubt, I’d eat them all with a watercress garnish and balsamic drizzle (I draw the line firmly when it comes to kids though. I’m quite happy to offer my pudgy love handles for the preservation of future generations)

Im heftier than my immediate family so I know they’d totally do a Hannibal Lecter on me since I’d feed a family of five for a month. Eat or be eaten eh?

In my defence I would be doing it selflessly of course so my baby girl didn’t need to go through all that mourning – I’m only thinking of the children after all!

When it comes to my friends, they’re a wiry lot, there’s no way they’d go down without a fight but I reckon I could take one or two of them down with a stray armrest.

2. If your best friend had murdered someone would you help bury the body?

If I was completely convinced we would never be caught, yup I would do it. If they felt the need to off someone, then that sucker musta had it coming.

Although, if I personally was gonna murder someone I would do it in the middle of the ocean and weight the body.

Or I might marry a rich pig farmer, bludgeon him to death with a frozen pork chop, eat the evidence and feed him to his own livestock.

I might then don my best white linen floaty clothes complete with oversized hat, hop aboard a 40 foot yacht and set sail for the Cayman Islands while clutching my new found inheritance and a dry martini.

But I never put too much thought into that sort of thing.

Be afraid farmers…be very afraid.

3. Do you ever wonder – what next – after the end of your time? if so, what is next?

I think Anubis judges our earthly actions and one of two things happen:

We spend eternity kicking back on a marshmallow cloud with St Peter.

Or

We did a terrible job of being a human so are sent to bowels of Hell to listen to Rick Astley’s greatest hits on an endless loop until the end of time.

Nah…really I don’t believe in Heaven and Hell. I think we just go back to the Source for a while to decide if we want to reincarnate or spend a few eons chilling with the Big Man somewhere in the stars.

4. You know in the movies when the victims are being chased by the terrible nasty and they hit them, and think they are dead, but look back and discover the body gone?? If this was YOU how would you ensure the thing stays dead?

My mother is a blood and gore movie-loving maniac. Every time the female lead shot the serial killer once my mum would scream at the screen “do it again for God’s sake!! Make sure he blimming stays down!!!” So I have some training in this department.

I’d reverse over his head a few times then go postal on his noggin with a two-by-four. Take it from me, the killer would not be getting up again. My mama didn’t raise no fool.

My weapon of choice.

What’s the meanest thing you have ever hoped would happen to someone ……….. eh??

The only person I ever hated was my German teacher. He was a hateful, self indulgent pig who failed as a professor and author and was forced to take a lowly teaching job.

I spent my time in his horrible class daydreaming about ways to annihilate him. I won’t go into to much detail but one of my favourites involved a crucifixion.

Hopefully he’s six feet under now.

Nominees:

I’m posing the same questions to the following bloggerees:

One day at a time…

Curiosity

Walk The Goats

Tintins

Finding French Charming

Don’t hold back…let your inner oddball run free!!!